


Royal Rhinoceros and Sam's Prostitute Story, The

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Episode: s01e06 Mr. Willis of Ohio, Episode: s01e18 Six Meetings Before Lunch, F/M, Humor, Missing Scene, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-02
Updated: 2007-01-02
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:31:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "Just answer me this.  Is there anyone in this town that you don't know?"





	Royal Rhinoceros and Sam's Prostitute Story, The

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

“I don’t mind you dating my only daughter, but you can't expect me not to have some fun along the way.”

“Mallory and I haven’t been on a date.”

“Well you hang in there, son.”

“Leo, I'm not interested in Mallory. I mean, she is a wonderful woman and I am sure she will make some man very happy but it will not be me. I'm seeing someone and I'm uh…very fond of her. Mallory is a friend. So I guess that means you can call off the dogs.”

The Jackal ended and Leo looked at him.

“What did you say Sam?”

“You didn’t hear anything I just said?” Sam asked.

“CJ was doing The Jackal…did you really expect me to.”

“Yeah, silly me.” Sam repeated the whole story, watching as Leo’s eyes changed.

“You're not dating Mallory?”

“No.”

“Well I heard all these…they said you were seeing someone and I know you and my daughter…”

“No Leo. Mallory and I are just friends, at least on this end. Seriously, I promise you. She is a great girl, uh I mean woman, but I'm with a great woman.”

“Hmm.” Leo had stopped paying attention to the Deputy. CJ was the center of his universe, staffers revolving around her like stars. Toby flirted inappropriately, passing her a bottle of champagne. Leo wanted to stop her before she got too drunk tonight. They could still get to her condo at a decent hour.

“OK Sam, torture over. I’ll have Mallory back off too.”

“Bless you. She can be a bit…”

“She gets it from her mother. Excuse me Sam.”

He walked away and Sam knew that the Chief of Staff’s attention was on no one but CJ. Oh well. He hoped to go back to his office and have Mallory be long gone. Tish was supposed to be there tonight to help him celebrate…she left a message on his cell saying as much. The hour turned late and Sam wanted her. He wanted to show her off around the West Wing tonight. He grabbed his vibrating cell phone from his pocket.

“Sam Seaborn.”

“Come to your office.”

“Are you there alone?” he asked, not wanting to see anyone but her.

“Yes, but I would be happy to go and get another girl if that is what you like.”

“It should be illegal to tease a man about that.”

“Your big blue eyes are probably all wide and intrigued right now.”

“You're about to find out.”

“How far away are you?” Tish asked.

Sam pushed his door open with his foot and smiled at her. Tish was sitting on his cluttered desk; she held her arms open for him.

“Congratulations Sparky.”

They kissed and it was the best feeling Sam had all night.

“I heard you were being yelled at earlier. I thought it was your day of jubilee. What happened?”

Sam kissed her again before answering. Two photo shoots in three weeks kept Tish out of DC and away from her boyfriend. With spring well on the way, he knew he would be traveling abroad and domestic with the President of the United States. Some time definitely needed to be carved out for the two of them.

“It was a misunderstanding…nothing to worry about. It is my day of jubilee and I want more kisses. More, more, more.”

“I am so proud of you today Sam. You put a man on the Supreme Court. A woman would have been better but there is time.”

Sam smiled, losing himself in the taste of her lips. She had been drinking Chardonnay tonight.

“Sam, I need…oh excuse me.”

Sam turned, face to face with his boss. He was aghast.

“Leo, I am so sorry. I know the White House is not the place for personal…”

“Don't be ridiculous. This is your day and you deserve some down time. I just wanted to let you know that I told Mallory the truth and she will no longer torture you. Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

“Oh right, I'm sorry. Leo McGarry, this is Tish McTiernan.”

“Hey there Uncle Leo.” Tish jumped off the desk.

“Oh my God…Atisha.”

“In the flesh. You look great.”

“You…why…kids grow up much too fast. I feel really old right now.”

“OK. You look great for your age then. Just give me a hug.”

Leo did and again Sam wondered who this girl he was in love with was. Tish and Leo…who would have thought.

“How are your parents?” Leo asked.

“Terrific. Just because you're abstaining now doesn’t mean daddy wouldn’t love to have you over. Mom too, of course. They still have their summer barbecues and winter dinner parties.”

“Dammit if you don’t look just like Melinda did at your age.” 

“At least I know I will be beautiful in my middle age.” Tish said.

“Most definitely. Forgive me for staring but the last time I saw you, you were 20 something and experimenting with hair colors. It’s a wonder you didn’t go bald.”

“I know.” Tish laughed. “Do you remember when I used to ride around on your back?”

Sam tried his best to shake that image from his mind but found it impossible.

“I was your royal rhinoceros.” Leo smiled at the memory.

“I hate to interrupt but…”

“Leo is a dear friend of the family.” Tish said. “He and my father have known each other since I was a scruff of a kid.”

“You were a scruff too; with the energy level of a family of boll weevils. You, Teddy and Alice wore me out.”

“I think that was mostly the scotch.” Tish replied.

“You're probably right.” Leo smiled again. “It is really good to see you again kid.”

“You too Leo.” Tish put her arm around Sam. “I was so sorry to hear about you and Jenny. Have you been doing alright?”

“I have.” A flash went across Leo’s features as he thought of CJ. “I need to leave you two alone…you deserve your celebration. In fact Sam, I want you to go home. Have a cigar and a glass of something nice. Let Tishy tell you some of the wild things she used to do as a child.”

“Oh God, don’t call me that.” Tish covered her ears. “I just got daddy to stop. Don’t get it started again.”

“Some things never go away, no matter how much you want them to. Goodnight guys.”

“Goodnight Leo.” Sam said.

Tish couldn’t help but hug and kiss him again, and Leo graciously accepted the attention. He walked out of the room, leaving the Deputy Communications Director dumbfounded.

“Just answer me this. Is there anyone in this city you don’t know?”

“Probably, but my father has been in the Senate since I was seven years old. Back in the day the Catholics stuck together, especially the Irish Catholics. There weren’t many of us and the house in Chevy Chase was like a country club. Everyone was there.”

“Its going to take some getting used to. Leo was ready to string me up this evening; he thought I was interested in his daughter.”

“Mallory? Oh boy was he way off…unless she’s changed a lot you are so not her type.”

“I'm not? I didn’t know you and Mallory were friends.”

“We are not. She used to like guys who were the exact opposite of her father. All these years later and that is probably still how she rebels. But hey, we were celebrating. I believe Leo said you are free to go. My place or yours?”

“Mine is closer and I'm in the mood for a walk.”

Tish grabbed her jacket and purse. Sam helped her into it and they left the office. The West Wing was still hopping; Tish had to congratulate Toby before leaving. She found the Communications Director drunk but animated. He insisted on a dance, which she readily gave. Then she kissed him for his luck and his baldhead for her own. Sam was sure that other than CJ, Tish was the only person allowed to touch Toby’s head.

“My colleagues really like you.”

“The feeling is mutual. They are good people doing good work. Hey, I should apologize for not telling you about Leo.”

“Don’t be silly. You don’t know everyone in my life either. Well, probably in my professional life but…don’t worry about it honeybug.”

“OK. I just didn’t want there to be a problem; between you and Leo I mean.”

“Right now he is probably so happy I'm not shacked up with his daughter that he is planning a ticker tape parade.”

In Sam’s apartment they didn’t bother with lights and formalities. They went straight back to the bedroom. Undressing each other, they kissed and touched. Under the covers Sam sighed and relaxed in her embrace.

“What a journey. It was an adventure and I am so glad for the result but I will be OK with never prepping a Supreme Court confirmation again.”

Tish laughed, knowing if they had to do it again tomorrow Sam would jump at the chance.

“It was a good ride Sparky.”

“Yeah but I shaved at least two years from my life with the lack of sleep and exercise.”

“The lifespan of the average white male is on the rise. You’ll recoup them by the time you're 40.”

“That’s promising information.”

“I knew you'd think so. So, Mallory might have a feeling for the flavor of Sam Seaborn?”

“Huh?” he sat up some.

“Mallory likes you.” Tish pulled him back to her.

“She has a funny way of showing it…she’s intolerably cruel to me.”

“Immature, yes, but still highly effective with some men. Not you, huh?”

“I have you. I'm seriously not interested in Mallory O’Brien. Though I did accidentally tell her something quite personal that she turned around and told Zoey Bartlet. I couldn’t believe she did that…as if I don’t have enough problems.”

“Sounds like Mallory. What was it?”

It was at that moment Sam realized Tish didn’t know about Laurie. He and the call girl law student were just friends but still…shouldn’t his girlfriend have a register of all unattached female friends. Especially since they slept together and Sam had that funny feeling in his stomach for her. Until he got close to Tish that is.

“OK, I need you to see the funny in this story because it is there.”

“OK. See the funny.”

“About a month or so before we met, I met a girl named Laurie at a bar. We spent the night together, accidentally switching beepers. That’s how I found out she was a call girl. That quickly killed any thought of romance, though we have remained friends. I accidentally told Mallory I slept with a call girl when Cathy told me I had to give Leo’s daughter’s third grade class a tour. I figured impressing her would make me look good in Leo’s eyes. I tried to eek sympathy from the teacher, who turned out to be the daughter. It was the cherry on top of the day I had. I found out she told Zoey the night we took Charlie out to relax and they decided to invite themselves…and damn near got us killed. I still don't know why.”

“You really thought Leo’s daughter was in the third grade?”

“That’s the question you pick from my tale?” Sam asked.

“Its my first one.”

“Lots of older men in this town have younger families. I mean, if Leo and CJ…oh shit.” He covered his mouth.

“So that is why he looks so content.”

“That’s not a matter of public record.” Sam said.

“Obviously. She is perfect for him you know. OK, lets see if I was paying attention. You had a one-night stand with a call girl?”

“Yes.”

“You did not pay for her services?”

“No.”

“Then you blurted this out to a complete stranger who turned out to be your boss’s daughter?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“She, in turn, tells the President’s daughter?”

“That’s it.”

“Oh boy Sparky.” She laughed. “That had Abbott and Costello written all over it. Were there pratfalls and misinterpreted words?”

“Like you would not believe. One more thing I need to tell you. Laurie and I are still friends; I see her sometimes. I shouldn’t keep that from you.”

Tish kissed him wearing a big smile.

“You are the sweetest man. I won't judge your friends. We are a couple and I trust you…end of story.”

“I love you Tish.”

“Love you too. Wanna hear a funny Leo story that should make you feel better?”

“Of course I do. It seems unbelievable that Leo has a goofy side to him. I know he’s human, but he’s…Leo.”

“As you know I love Neil Diamond.”

“Yeah.” Sam snickered. “That cracks me up.”

“Here’s why he holds an even more special place in my heart than Mark Gladwyne ever could. My middle name is Caroline. When I was a little girl my father used to put on the Neil Diamond record and sing it to me. It was a nightly ritual whenever he was in town. No matter what was going on politically, I always got my song. So one night after a long day on the Hill I tapped on daddy’s study door.

“He and Leo were in there and the bottle of Glenfiddich was mostly empty. I asked for my song so he put on the record. Drunk as skunks they performed as good as Neil Diamond did. I loved it so much I wanted it again…and they did. Mom came in and told me it was past my bedtime. I used to love when Leo and some of the other men came over after work because no matter how blitzed they were I got my song.”

Sam laughed, holding his stomach.

“Leo doing Neil Diamond? That’s classic. You probably have a thousand stories about him.”

“He was pretty much a permanent fixture at our house until he went into rehab. I never knew about the Valium…I wonder if daddy did.”

“Leo McGarry is a great man. I truly admire him.”

“Me too. I admire you Sam Seaborn.”

“You do?”

He held her tighter in his arms, grinning as she stroked his chest.

“Of course I do. Lets stop talking OK?”

“I think that’s a good idea. Just one more quick question.”

“OK.”

“Did you ever have a crush on Leo?”

“Are you kidding? Of course I did; the man is fascinating.”

“How does he do that? So many women…”

Tish evaporated his thought with a blistering kiss. She ran her fingers through his hair, rolling over on the bed so she was on top. Ah yes, celebration sex. It had been so long since Sam actually had it he could hardly remember. Tish lifted the tee shirt over her head, leaning to touch his body. There were spots that made laugh, made him moan, and one that turned him into an animal. Tish found it, gently nibbling. Sam gripped her shoulders and growled her name.

“Tell me what you want Sparky.” She murmured, kissing down his chest.

“Tish…” he was losing it.

“Say it and its yours. I'm dying to do it.”

“Tish put it in your mouth. Please.”

“What?” she pushed his boxers down, stroking him. “Gum, candy, a cheeseburger.”

“Don’t tease honeybug. My…cock.”

Tish did as he asked. Sam was still working on his sexual expressions. They both knew what they wanted and what they liked but he had never verbalized those feelings with anyone until her. His words could make Jed Bartlet lift houses off the ground but it was difficult to tell his girlfriend to go down on him. His grip on her hair and the sheet loosened as she released Sam from the torment. His breath was heavy as his body sank into the mattress.

“Good?” she asked.

“Utterly amazing. Am I a horrible boyfriend if I fall asleep now?”

“I'm surprised you're still awake. I will be here in the morning and I will be demanding.”

They kissed once more, Tish congratulated him, and then held him as he slept soundly. She thought about his call girl revelation before she fell asleep. Even thought it was all an accident, Sam could never call himself boring again.

***


End file.
